In fact, I got worse. More lazy. More sad. More sick feeling. I was doing well for the first week or so, but I think the extra push- the extra thing to do a day- just stressed me out more. Just the thought of having to wake up at 5:00 in the morning to go running after staying up till nearly midnight working puts me in a sort of mental coma. So. I guess I'm altering the deal I made with myself. While I still want to be the best that I can be, I don't think pushing myself further than the limit already set will help. I really started hating myself. Although I had several fantastic workouts and started feeling somewhat stringer- I started feeling more dull at the same time.
I whined to the fiance about it. The usual "wah my life is so hard, wah wah" comments were shushed by his brilliance.
"Then don't make it so hard."
Gah. I love this man. So, I'm not gonna make it hard. I do want to be better. Smarter. Faster. Stronger. Leaner. More interesting.
That last one is a new desire. I miss friends. That was the biggest part of my whine-fest to the fiance. I told him that pushing myself as made me more of a recluse than I already was. I feel like every time I am actually able to be around people, I'm too tired to interact. I don't remember the last time I've even seen most of my friends. So, I have (once again) changed up my schedule. No more being lazy (for real this time.) No more saying "no" just because I think I have something better to do (let's face it- I never have anything "fun" to do.) I've already set up a new schedule. I still am going to try to get up early in the mornings to run (or walk- hell, why push myself too far again?) and work out some evenings. But I have definitely made my schedule more FUN, instead of DETERMINED. See the difference?
I know it's a working progress, but at least I am trying. I reread my first post and it sounds pretty much like this one. The only difference is the fact that I think I have finally admitted that it's my own fault my life got so hectic, and yet so boring.
So, the new schedule... I plan on trying to run/walk every morning for at least 20 minutes. I want to work out (kickboxing, harder running, yoga, pilates, etc.) at least four times a week (Monday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday- BUT I'm allowing a "skip day." Cute, I know.) Saturday and Sundays I can go running at a lake right by where we work. It's so pretty, and I think it's about a mile roundtrip. I can't back out of that too easily. I also have decided to make certain days "friend days." Mondays are dedicated to MY friends, since Claudio has class till pretty late. I would like a girls night every now and then. Thursdays are couple nights- we play pool a lot, so maybe we can do that each Thursday... or we could go bowling. All that cute couple-y stuff- with friends!! As for the weekends, I think it would be sweet to have one afternoon for just the two of us, and the other can be shared with friends.
Okay, so I'll admit, I have a thing for planning. Who knows why. I write lists and set up times to do "stuff" constantly. Maybe that's why I created a blog- to organize my "lists." Ha! It's a strange obsession, I know- but at least I'm organized.
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